passed on

Its important to know that I know nothing, I only am telling you what I have been told. the first person who told me this knowlege was a man named "groovina" but he was often called guru groovina and a number of other names. he is an eternal soul and his body is also old, thin, weathered but sturdy. his beard white his hair long and white and often notted or tied with beads. he lives somewhere in a hollow outside ithaca new york with goats and herbs and vegtables he grows and preserves. Though he grew up in Brooklyn and still has the accent which somehow inflates the irony of his knowledge of what he knows.

He lives there with his 33 year old lover a hungarian who has his own accent, and who spends his summer days outside working in their garden, naked. his body is hairy and toned and sun darkened, his face reddened, his eyes strikingly blue and his smile explosive. More people come to the hause in summer for Dennis then for the guru, but he doesnt mind, neither of them minds.

it was a long weekend when we were at his house, I think it was even the fourth of july but for most of us there it was just a long weekend. we heard in the distance gunfire or fireworks, to us the effect was basically the same, backround, ignoreable long off violence.

I was there with Tony, he lasted 3 years I think and the sex was fantastic, the kind of sex that though only temporarily makes you younger, and maybe it was our adventure fucking in the woods and pastures, rest areas and gorges, heyfields and river beds of Vermont and upstate new york and massachussetts. He was half Korean and half wasp. he was beautiful and almost never naked and not hard, a charming flaw, an irresistable flaw.

Tony and I were both stoned, Tony was far more of a pot head than me, since he grew up in Western Masachussetts, most of my life as a pothead has basically been spent with him, but I have no complaints, none whatsoever. But in the end I think he was not one of us, and I learned from that experience that not everry one who has sex with men is a half, some are just animals that learn.

I hope you dont find me calling them animals as negative. I dont mean it so, in the end we are all animals in the realm of the flesh it is our souls which are halved or mortal, in the end there is not much difference between us, well excet that our souls are semi immortal.

I am getting ahead of myself again. the guru that night, when Tony passed out from smoking to much, for the length of the day. this is what he told me:

the other half

you want to know about the other half? the reincarnation? you should know about the dreams but I dont know anything about the dreams, I just have dreams and in them I go back and forth and sometimes the strands of memory will overlap so Walt will be speaking with allen which I know never happened. It took me a long time to see how the memories had been stored in long strands layed acrossone another so that they started to integrate over time and they started to mutate slighly, so one has to be careful in his dreams. in dreams it is reallly hard to find the facts of the past, infomation in the brain is not how we think of bits of data in a computer or in a file, its made up of far more complex and convoluted elements. But each time I follow one back in my dreams I find him there and again. he doesnt change over time like others, his reincarnation he looks identical to me, and when we have sex I feel that corrosion of time into that light between us, though stuck with huan eyes I cannot see it, that etheral orchid.

But you have to trust the shape and thrust of your dreams, and you have to find the roots of your instincts. that is the crucial part, when you start to travel in your dreams you discover what you know, and your insticnts run deeply through time, back to your joined life, you learn to listen to them better and to trust them more. You learn this faith in yourself, which is really the only faith you can have before you find the other half, then if you havnt been too damaged by life in mortal bodies and you can see him for what he is then its all a matter of connecting the two points. but all of that comes later and like sex its not a knowledge you need to learn, its a drive an unstoppable drive as soon as it is unencumbered by the existence we are forced to bear, no easy task.

knowledge

I have so much to tell you and yet I know nothing myself... I dont even really know where to begin. but it started with sex of course.

revelations

I am sorry I am not giving you enough information, you see a lot of this is slowly being revealed to me, and so much of it I have to chase after. Plus this knowledge I tell you about is dangerous, to some people, to those who dont have what we have, those who have never been under the gaze of the goddess or the god, but live these short once around lives. Have you realized yet that you are one of us and not one of them? I know that you always knew it on some level as I did before I found my other half and the people with the wisdom and most of all before I started travelling in my dreams. MAybe that how you should start your journey, I dont know anything, only what I learned and what I discovered in my journey so far. I believe maybe people need to discover for themselves and there is really in the end only so much that can be taught. In the end the knowledge in the universe which can be taught is a tiny fraction of the total knowledge of the universe. That too I learned on my own.

So I would suggest then that you start traveling too in your dreams. but the important thing is to give your self the energy, try melatonin, or caffeine, or spicy food. marijuana perhaps but sparingly, dont drink though, drinking levels out the dreams into colorlessness. I find often a new bed helps too, a different bed, sleeping on trains and in tents, anything that changes your surroundings and forces your mind to adjust. your mind forces out the impacted knowledge of 10,000 years or more possibly, our entire lives before the split may also be stored within like a diamand among the layers of coal. But you dont want to go back that far anyway, it only makes the scar of the separation that much fresher, and you will know what I mean by that soon also, as soon as you find your other half, but that is a much greater process I imagine, I got lucky myself I think, I dont know why, I just followed a hidden logic by following nothing at all. all accidents happen for a reason.

the synchronisty of accidents

if you are reading this it is by accident, I have told nobody of this blog, somehow you found it. this doesnt happen without a reason.

Plato

you see platonic love was originally ironic, it was a man who was having sex with another man in a relationship with or married to a woman, almost always without sex. over time the word "platonic" also meant the nonsexual relationship with the woman. A platonic relationship as you know was originally or in its truest sense definitely not without sex.

part the beginning

I can see back through time, I have realized this recently, there are connections made in the past and the future and there are secrets and mysteries known but most are known. First anything you know is a lie, that is the first thing you need to know. Everything that you have been told but could not verify is a lie.

We are reeincarnated souls, that is the other thing you need to know, well not all of us, just a certain group of us, the Uranians, we are the halves that Plato talks about, I shouldn't even have said this much without verifying really on some level that you are one of us, but I will accept that you are. you see these mysteries have been imparted to me over time I have collected them as scraps of knowledge, from an olf man on LSD on the side of a hill in far upstate new york. To an old blind east German woman on the train to Frankfurt Oder. only she wasnt blind, she could see me. I heard this from a 19 year old egyptian boy I met at a KFC in Cairo. I heard some of it from Lotte Lenya in a dream, and from Walt Whitman, and Edward Carpenter, Magnus Hirschfeld, but I am getting ahead of myself.

may first

May first in Berlin, its just after nine am. May first in Berlin and more specifically in Kreuzberg where I live for those who don't know is an annual holiday to celebrate germany's tradition of struggle against disorder by having scheduled pitched battles in the street between masked miscreants and the police. Basically anyone who has ever had a bad experience with a cop comes from all over germany to take out their frustration and drink lots of beer. at the same time, the city is filled with hundreds of the meanest looking cops from the hinterlands of the bundesrepublic. add to this mixture easily removable paving stones and glass beer bottles and you have your self a holiday.

The rest of us stay home. Or leave the city, or find someway to enjoy a lovely spring day off in berlin which is not hard to do. Although this is the only day my health club is closed, its open Easter and Christmas, but not today. Go figure.